Why having 'sex' is a healthy habit

If you thought the only benefit of sex was, well, pleasure, here's some news for you.

Making love is good for adults. And making love regularly is even better! Not only does it help you sleep well, relieve stress and burn calories, there are several other reasons why you need to have sex more often.

Improves cardiovascular health
A recent study says that men who have sex more than twice a week, had a lesser risk of getting a heart attack than men who had sex less than once a month.

Relieves pain
If you're using your headache as an excuse not to make love, stop doing it. Just when you're about to or*asm, the level of oxytocin, a hormone increases by five times. The release of endorphins reduces aches and pains.

Increases immunity
Regular love making increases the body's level of the immune-boosting antibody immunoglobulin A (IgA), which will make your body stronger against illnesses like the common cold and fever.

Reduces stress
Stressed out with work or family problems? Don't let it affect your performance in the bedroom. Not only will having sex improve your mood, but a study has proved that folks who indulge in regular bedroom activities can handle stress better and are happier people generally.

Promotes longevity
When one has an or*asm, a hormone called Dehydroepiandrosterone is released, which improves your immunity and repairs tissue and keeps the skin healthy. Men who have at least two orgasms a week have live longer than men who have sex just once every few weeks.

Increases blood circulation
Because your heart rate increases when you're having sex, fresh blood is supplied to your organs and cells. While used blood is removed, you also discard things from your body that cause you to feel tired.

You sleep better
Notice that just after you make love, the sleep you get thereafter is much more relaxed. Getting a good night's sleep will make you feel alert and healthy overall.

Improves overall fitness
If you find going to the gym mundane or working out at home a task, here's another way to help you lose the flab and keep in shape. Regular sex will do wonders for your waistline. Half an hour of love making burns more than 80 calories.

Increases your levels of estrogen and testosterone
In men, testosterone is what makes you more passionate in the sack. Not only will it make you feel way better in bed, but it is also known to improve your muscles and bones, keeps your heart healthy and a check on your cholesterol. Estrogen in women protects them against heart disease and also determines a woman's body scent.

Virginity, lost it yet?

A recent survey states the average age for losing virginity is 17. Is that so or are teenagers getting sexually active even earlier? Debarati S Sen explores ...

Studies have revealed that children, these days, are losing their virginity at a very young age. Experts say that with the average age of puberty going down to 9-10 years for girls and 10-11 years for boys, the average age for losing virginity too is going down. And the deadly paring with this is — awareness about sex is more these days and information (not always from the right sources) is freely available. Television, movies and most prominently the Internet is loaded with extremely easily accessible information and graphic details. This, most of the time, helps to entice the youngsters to experiment, who already have hormones raging through them.

Anju Uppal, principal of an international high school says, "I have been dealing with children for a long time and I do believe that children these days are losing their virginity very early. They get attracted to each other and are tempted to take it all further."

Curiosity killed the cat
Psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chhabria says, "It's human nature to be curious. A teenager would definitely want to experiment and experience the information he/she has heard about sex. For certain kids who are more shy, withdrawn and introverts, social networking sites are best for communication. Kids who may be new to exploring sexuality or may have a high drive, do indulge in cyber sex or phone sex at times." Anju Uppal adds, "They are much more aware of things these days and they are very keen to experiment."

Lack of attention from parents
With most parents working, kids are without proper supervision (a maid would not even understand the nuances of phone or cyber sex) and free to do as they like. "Sometimes the attention from the parents is not enough, kids may indulge in these things just to attract negative attention from parents," says Dr Chhabria.

Family history
Children who are from broken families are prone to indulge in flings with multiple partners without emotional attachments. Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist adds, "When there is a marital discord between parents the children may try to cling to their relationships and are ready to lose their virginity to hold on to it."

Sex isn't taboo anymore
Sex in our society is also not such a taboo as it used to be earlier and virginity is not such a big deal. Psychotherapist Shilpa Raheja agrees, "Virginity has lost its sacred value. 'Saving your virginity for marriage' is something that is even laughed at these days by some people." This attitude, though not very common is accepted.

Influence of alcohol
Is influence of alcohol or substance abuse one of the reasons that lead to lowering the age of sexual activity among children? Dr Chhabria says, "It may not be one of the reasons but it may stimulate the sexual urge further for them to indulge in sex. Also substance and alcohol tend to reduce the anxiety towards sex and alter consciousness which definitely plays a major role in letting the person freely perform sex."

Peer-group pressure
To have a boyfriend or girlfriend is like a status symbol say experts. "So much of 'hanging around' at pubs, cafes and discos are happening. You need a girl in your arms when you walk in to a party," says Shilpa. There are children who have their reasons for absistence but sometimes they are counteracted upon in a very strong way by the friends and the peer group. "Friends often provide the means when a parent refuses," says Anju.

Proper education needed
Yes we all know sex education is provided in schools. Period. But with rampant teenage pregnancies it obviously is not enough. Shilpa says, "Talking openly about sex is still not common. Parents usually want some other organisation to do the sex-talk with their kids."

Effects on children
Seema says, "In the last five years I have seen the number rise rapidly. Around 50-75 per cent young girls and guys lose their virginity much before they are anywhere near adulthood. And this affects them mentally. When kids are in Std 5, they have crushes and before they are in college most lose their virginity. When such a relationship does not work out depression hits them. There are anxiety disorders, eating disorders and feelings of guilt that may ruin their childhood."

Expert advice for parents
A good relationship between parents may be important where both have similar parenting styles. Parents need to be role models and need to make their child see how important is love, affection, care and commitment in a relationship. They need to explain that sex is something precious to be shared with the person you love and not just an act of physical satisfaction.The emotional problems that come up with losing virginity at an early age and that come along with multiple partners needs to be explained to your child with a lot of patience. Children also need to understand that their parents are the one who they need to confide into. Also all information from friends and elsewhere needs to be confirmed as it may not always be true. Children also need to judge better for themselves what is right and wrong and what will be good for them in the future.

Advice for teenagers
-The only way you can guarantee that you won't catch a sexually transmitted disease and won't get pregnant is abstinence.
- No one can force you into it. 'If you loved me you'd do it', can be countered with a 'If you really loved me you would wait'.
- Saying a no to a person even if it is someone you have said a yes to earlier, is perfectly okay.
- Always keep in mind that despite what rumors and gossip may suggest, virgins are a majority in most high schools, not a minority.
- If you want to show someone how much you care intercourse is not the only way to go about it. Don't let others try to convince you otherwise.
- If you kiss someone passionately does not mean that you have to go on to having sex with them

What's the big deal about virginity

From time immemorial a woman's virginity has been her prized possession. Throughout history one will read about cultures across the world placing a high value on a a woman's virginity. But times are changing and for an increasing number of young men and women, sex is no longer the kind of taboo that it earlier used to be. And much to our older generation's charging, pre-marital sex is a definite reality of our times.

In fact, these days, couples who are in a relationship have no qualms about getting sexually intimate with each other even though there may be no guarantee that the relationship will culminate into marriage. However, when it does come to the question of marriage, especially in the case of arranged marriages, a woman with a sexually active history still raises eyebrows and sets tongues wagging. What then is the big deal about virginity and how does this kind of a mentality hamper the lives of numerous women?

According to Dr Mahindra Vatsa, gynaecologist and sex counsellor, this kind of mentality is largely because our traditional values are still strongly embedded in us. "One of the most common questions I get, till date, is 'How do I know that my bride or girlfriend is a virgin?' The only answer that I have to such questions is that there is no way to know," says Dr Watsa. According to him, it's just the man's and his family's inflated ego that results in such unrealistic demands. How then, does our traditional culture not hamper couples from engaging in pre-marital sex? "Once a couple is engaged, it's like a license for marriage so they feel they can do anything," he opines.

"It's actually not such a big deal. However, I still get men who complain to me saying that the wife did not bleed on the first night and hence, they suspect that she's not a virgin. The truth is that the presence of the hymen which ruptures (resulting in the bleeding) is not a sure shot sign of virginity. Some women are born without it, there there are those for whom it is so elastic that it never ruptures while for some it is so fragile that a slightly intense activity may have ruptured it without them even realising it. It is just not possible to access whether a girl is a virgin or not by just examining her except if she's been through a pregnancy or if she admits to having sexual intercourse," says sexologist Dr Rajan Bhonsle.

He goes on to add that in a relationship, if a couple is to make it work successfully, it is more important for the couple to worry about virtues like trust and honesty. "If a woman admits to a sexually active past, it shouldn't be held against her. The very fact that she's even admitting it, even though she could have very well hidden it, means that she is honest and that's all that should matter," he says.

For some men, however, especially those raised in very orthodox families or old-fashioned joint families, it's the family members who tend to influence their decision. "In many of these families, something like falling in love or sex before marriage equates to the girl being bold. Their reasons, hence, for rejecting such girls is that post-marriage, too, the girl will continue with the same behaviour," Dr Bhonsle explains.

Commenting on the issue, actress Sophie Choudry opines, "Most people in Mumbai and other metropolitan cities do not expect their partners to be virgins anymore because India has gone through a dramatic change in the past 10 years. India is no longer the closed society it was. The modern young Indian woman is working, independent and makes her own choices in life. It's a change the Indian man has had to adapt to. Nonetheless, we cannot ignore that there is tremendous pressure on girls from smaller cities and more conservative families and virginity does still play a major factor when it comes to their marriage."

An intact hymen is not a sure sign of virginity.

A woman's hymen can be ruptured by non-sexual activities like intense sports, dancing, sitting astride on two wheelers, etc.

It is not necessary for a virgin to bleed the first time she has sex. In fact, is one goes by the statistics, only 42 per cent of women do so.

With the current advances in medical technology, a plastic surgeon can quite easily reconstruct a layer of tissue to resemble the hymen (the procedure is called Hymenoplasty).

Remember, virginity and chastity are not the only measures to base a happy marriage on, honesty and trust are far more important traits that both partners should possess.


From time immemorial a woman's virginity has been her prized possession. Throughout history one will read about cultures across the world placing a high value on a a woman's virginity. But times are changing and for an increasing number of young men and women, sex is no longer the kind of taboo that it earlier used to be. And much to our older generation's charging, pre-marital sex is a definite reality of our times.

In fact, these days, couples who are in a relationship have no qualms about getting sexually intimate with each other even though there may be no guarantee that the relationship will culminate into marriage. However, when it does come to the question of marriage, especially in the case of arranged marriages, a woman with a sexually active history still raises eyebrows and sets tongues wagging. What then is the big deal about virginity and how does this kind of a mentality hamper the lives of numerous women?

According to Dr Mahindra Vatsa, gynaecologist and sex counsellor, this kind of mentality is largely because our traditional values are still strongly embedded in us. "One of the most common questions I get, till date, is 'How do I know that my bride or girlfriend is a virgin?' The only answer that I have to such questions is that there is no way to know," says Dr Watsa. According to him, it's just the man's and his family's inflated ego that results in such unrealistic demands. How then, does our traditional culture not hamper couples from engaging in pre-marital sex? "Once a couple is engaged, it's like a license for marriage so they feel they can do anything," he opines.

"It's actually not such a big deal. However, I still get men who complain to me saying that the wife did not bleed on the first night and hence, they suspect that she's not a virgin. The truth is that the presence of the hymen which ruptures (resulting in the bleeding) is not a sure shot sign of virginity. Some women are born without it, there there are those for whom it is so elastic that it never ruptures while for some it is so fragile that a slightly intense activity may have ruptured it without them even realising it. It is just not possible to access whether a girl is a virgin or not by just examining her except if she's been through a pregnancy or if she admits to having sexual intercourse," says sexologist Dr Rajan Bhonsle.

He goes on to add that in a relationship, if a couple is to make it work successfully, it is more important for the couple to worry about virtues like trust and honesty. "If a woman admits to a sexually active past, it shouldn't be held against her. The very fact that she's even admitting it, even though she could have very well hidden it, means that she is honest and that's all that should matter," he says.

For some men, however, especially those raised in very orthodox families or old-fashioned joint families, it's the family members who tend to influence their decision. "In many of these families, something like falling in love or sex before marriage equates to the girl being bold. Their reasons, hence, for rejecting such girls is that post-marriage, too, the girl will continue with the same behaviour," Dr Bhonsle explains.

Commenting on the issue, actress Sophie Choudry opines, "Most people in Mumbai and other metropolitan cities do not expect their partners to be virgins anymore because India has gone through a dramatic change in the past 10 years. India is no longer the closed society it was. The modern young Indian woman is working, independent and makes her own choices in life. It's a change the Indian man has had to adapt to. Nonetheless, we cannot ignore that there is tremendous pressure on girls from smaller cities and more conservative families and virginity does still play a major factor when it comes to their marriage."

An intact hymen is not a sure sign of virginity.

A woman's hymen can be ruptured by non-sexual activities like intense sports, dancing, sitting astride on two wheelers, etc.

It is not necessary for a virgin to bleed the first time she has sex. In fact, is one goes by the statistics, only 42 per cent of women do so.

With the current advances in medical technology, a plastic surgeon can quite easily reconstruct a layer of tissue to resemble the hymen (the procedure is called Hymenoplasty).

Remember, virginity and chastity are not the only measures to base a happy marriage on, honesty and trust are far more important traits that both partners should possess.

Is she losing interest in sex?

A study has revealed that women are fast losing interest in sex. And this has been revealed by a number of 40-something men.

Loss of Sexual Desire in women, or low sexual desire, is the most common sexual problem for members of the fair sex and the major reason why they seek sex therapy. It affects upto 33 per cent to 67 per cent of women, depending on how sexual desire is defined and reported. And men aren't beyond this too. But since it only affects about half as many men as women, it is nowhere close to men's top sex problems.

Loss of Sexual Desire

Sexual desire is one of the most difficult factors to define for the simple reason that it is more psychological than physiological. Loss of Sexual Desire refers to a lack of interest in sex for a prolonged period. Most women are conscious of this feeling. And unfortunately, many of these ladies don't like the idea of confessing it to their husbands.

Normal in women?

It is important to understand that the loss of Sexual Desire is not a disorder. How can it be a dysfunction if one-third of all women, no matter what their age, report that they lose interest in sex? Low sexual desire is an understandable result of an imbalance in your life. It may root to your relationship, your stress, or simply, changes in your body.

Secondly, just because loss of Sexual Desire in women is common, it doesn't mean you can't fix it.

Even worse, losing interest in sex can mean you miss out on a lot more than simply one of life's few non-fattening pleasures. It can begin to drain the passion out of the rest of your life, as well.

Causes of loss of Sexual Desire

Biology: Sex can have serious consequences for women - a baby for starters, to take care of for the next twenty years. Not surprising that females seem hard-wired to approach sex with slightly less abandon than males do.

Social conditioning : The messages women get from society with its double standards and attitudes towards sex, have a big affect on their sexual desire. Even with adult women who've been exposed to the Sex And The City culture, there is still a social conditioning prevalent that men are 'studs' if they are sexual, while women are 'characterless'.

Quality of relationship: For women, desire is strongly elicited to the relationship. "If we don't talk and connect, we don't have sex," they often say. It's not what happens in the bedroom - their desire arises when they are interacting with their partner. If the quality of those intimate but non-sexual contacts aren't being attended to, most women just won't feel "in the mood."

Hormones: Hormonal fluctuations with pregnancy, breast-feeding, and then with menopause a little later in life all can lessen desire to some extent.

Medications: Depression and the anti-depressants used to treat it can also inhibit desire. So also can certain blood pressure-lowering drugs. Conditions such as endometriosis, fibroids and thyroid disorders can also be a cause.

Life stages: Life changes - especially the birth of a child - can cause a loss of Sexual Desire in women. It often occurs to women in their 20s with a child under five or six - their lack of interest doubles and triples. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure it out - physical stress and fatigue are also considered big factors.

How important is experimentation in bed to keep the zing in the sexual lives of couples alive?

Sex losing appeal among the young

Sex today has lost the plot and youngsters below 40 are beginning to feel the lack of excitement in today's age of hooking up and ziplessness

Nobody needs to be seduced these days. While, to woo and be wooed, has long been consigned to history books, (read novels), the art of seduction too is a misnomer in the intimate getting together of two people.

Erica Jong who coined the term ziplessness meaning sexual encounters free of remorse and guilt, has asked the question 'Is sex less piquant when it is not forbidden?' Considering India's steady increase in population, sex itself may not be dead, but (again in the words of Erica) 'sexual passion may be on life support'. It's all out there in the open. Nothing's a secret, nothing's taboo. It's sex first and talk later for most youngsters who 'hook up' every week almost with 'interesting' people. It's not strange then that there's just no need to seduce anyone. The heart doesn't miss a beat either, when she walks into the room!

Couples and singles of all generations appear to be on a treadmill, looking for the next thrill because the last one has just become boring. And, things only go down from here.

No more taboos, no more thrills

There are no more taboos in today's coupling. The other's wife, husband; boyfriend; girlfriend; father; mother; daughter; son, everyone's a potential partner and if the setting and the alcohol's right at the party, you can expect more that just the harmless flirt to hit on you. With regard to public display of private emotions, it's moral policing that brings about the check rather than any socio-cultural signposts. Society today accepts kissing and necking in public (and a lot more at rave parties in Mangalore), so forgive me if holding hands doesn't send a thrill up and down your spine and increase your heartrate 10-fold.

Sex first, talk later

According to student counselor Prathna D, "When youngsters hook up these days, in several cases, they're in bed within 12 hours of meeting each other. A night out that doesn't end in sex is a lost cause for many. The morning-after may present a different truth, and both parties are more than okay to part ways if things don't quite spill over to Date Two. If it does go further, physical compatibility is what is researched first before emotional compatibility.

Law of diminishing marginal utility

According to experts, "Disillusionment with sex is not a trend, it's biology. Our brains are designed to seek out novelty. The amount of novelty each of us seeks depends on our own wiring and neurochemicals that activate that wiring. When we don't get enough novelty, we get bored. Even a diet of ice cream can get dull if you're having it everyday."

The solution

The solution may actually lie in abstinence; abstinence not for long, but just enough to rewire yourself to find excitement with the routine. Family counselor Jason S says, "If the long road of sexual adventure has gotten weary and listless, and the scenery seems unchanged, maybe you need to get off the road and search within. Take time off to think and find the one person you really enjoy being with. And, not just because of the sex, but because, say, you laugh best with her. It's time to seek a deeper adventure. A journey of understanding yourself and your partner. The human brain is an amazing organ and can easily re-adjust the body to find excitement even in the mundane, but this must be accompanied with emotions. Working on the love for the person, and setting out on an adventure in discovering your partner's personality may actually trigger the novelty factor and light fires that had long been put out. When you set out on this new journey, you will be amazed at how seduced your partner feels!"

Enjoy the ride!

How to improve your sex skills

Here are ways to enhance your sex life

The art of conversation
When was the last time you had a real conversation with your partner, where the two of you made requests and even promises? When was the last time you asked her intimate questions?

Often, in a long-term relationship, we take things for granted and fall into a routine. Find out what her fantasies are without judging her or laughing. You will be surprised to learn that her fantasies are very different from yours. Bring a few role-playing games into the bedroom to shed your inhibitions. This opens up more room for conversation and this will bring you closer together.

Men generally have very visual and carnal fantasies, but with women they are always about how the thoughts make them feel. Ask her to be honest and not worry about offending you or hurting your feelings. Ask her to show you what she likes and what she really dislikes.

It is incredibly sad that because of lack of communication couples have to endure stuff that completely annoys or repels them. That too with the one person who is supposed to be a source of pleasure!

Call her or send her a message during the day to ask her how she's doing. Let her know you are thinking of her and maybe thinking of the smell of her hair or the feel of her waist. Be sensual in your communication and not just not sexual. However, if she encourages you in her responses then go ahead, indulge is some 'sexting'--or sexual texting!

Hit her spot
Now for the part you have been dreading, and I am sure you will be shaking your head saying that this is my personal conspiracy favoring womankind. I promise you it is not what you're thinking!

If you want more action in the bedroom, pick up some of the slack in the other rooms as well. If you are married with kids, be a good father, spend time with the kids. If you live together, help out around the house.

Acknowledge that she needs rest just as much as you do. Guys often like to believe that when you come home from work, the TV should be yours and that you should not be disturbed while you unwind and that all your other needs should be fulfilled. But what about her needs?

Try it out for a week and I am sure you will be much happier. A little bit of kindness and housework never killed any one! And if you even have the audacity to shout at her or snap at her or even worse, if you are rude to her and put her down, you can kiss good sex goodbye!

You cannot expect your partner to do all the housework, look after the kids, be told off by you and then come to bed all turned on. She will come to bed alright, but she'll be exhausted and resentful. And those aren't ingredients for better sex!

(The author is a certified life coach who offers her services at Multi Coaching International. When she's not teaching people how to have better sex, she's helping scores of corporates, educational institutes, and individuals better themselves using her unique coaching techniques.)

7 Must-know sex secrets

Guys, here's your chance to know the seven sex secrets women wish their partner knew

A good talk is a great aphrodisiac
Many women find talk a great turn-on. For them, talking and feeling loved are very important. Good conversation during walks or while the couple is relaxing can be a great aphrodisiac. A man could tell his woman how much he loves her, which acts as a reassurance that he is with her mentally during those intimate moments.

Many women are anxious about their looks
For a couple that has been together for long, sometimes it is natural that women may feel that their partner may find them less alluring. Because of this some women undress only under the cover of darkness. Caring men can sense such anxieties. There is no need to lie and say she's gorgeous if she isn't, nor is there a need to say that she is not attractive anymore. One can always appreciate and praise what you do find attractive.

For a woman sex isn't separate from rest of her life
On the other hand, men tend to compartmentalise, feeling that stressful aspects of life can be parked mentally and separated from sexual activity. Women need good feelings and experiences during the day to have satisfying sex. How her lover treats her out of bed, greatly influences her response in bed. Inattentiveness, harsh language, rude tones, hurtful words, and criticism can make it difficult for a woman to get involved, feel enthusiastic and be passionate during sex.

An or*asm is not a necessity
Many men feel that a good lover is one who can bring his woman to climactic sexual culmination. It is great to have such moments, but aren't always essential. Many women feel pressure from partners and even from themselves to reach an or*asm. Sometimes instead of having orgasms, women prefer to engage in just for*play.

Sex need not be a serious act
Playfulness is a great quality. Many men are far too serious about sex. They forget to laugh, be romantically mischievous, have fun. Playfulness and light-heartedness can make intimate moments enjoyable and relaxing. This takes performance pressure off from both partners.

Women cherish non-sexual touching and tenderness
Women love romance, cuddling, hand-holding and kissing. But many women complain that their men never do this except during for*play. A woman should make her man realise the joy of touching. As you give him a relaxing massage and stroke his face and hair tenderly, he starts experiencing the joy of this kind of non-sexual touching. Tell your man what makes you feel loved.

Warm attention after sex is important
A woman's need for tender moments goes beyond the actual lovemaking. Some women complain that men fall asleep immediately after the act. It is true that when a man is having sex, his endorphin level is very high. Almost immediately after ejaculation, he goes through a refractory phase where he loses his erection and all his systems gear down. In females this phase happens gradually. However, if you don't like him falling asleep immediately, tell him without putting him down. Alternatively, let him sleep in your arms for a few minutes and gently wake him up afterwards

10 Spices to raise your sex drive

Some spices can enhance your lustful performance

India is the land of spices and the second-most populous country in the world. Though the two facts sound disarrayed, they are actually linked! Research proves that our sex life gets affected (and spiced up) by some spices.

Fenugreek seeds: Saponins which can be found in fenugreek seeds play a role in increasing the production of testosterone, the male hormones, which, in turn, causes the raise in male libido.

Cardamom: These green wonders increase energy and relieve fatigue, and help you rock your love making process.

Clove: They heat up the body and maybe that's what increases the hotness quotient on bed!

Fennel: Saunf, as they are called in Hindi, contain an estrogen-like substance (estirol) that turns out libido. So careful before you grab a handful of it at a restaurant after dinner.

Ginseng: It helps improve male erectile dysfunction (ED)

Saffron: There's a reason why old Hindi films had saasumas forcing bahus to add saffron to the milk on the first night. And you thought it was just for a fair child!

Nutmeg: It's one of the most popular natural aphrodisiacs. Research proves that nutmeg has the same effect on mating behavior as Viagra. Sprinkle some in your kheer for a dirty night!

Cloves: They boost your energy levels. They also have one of the best aromatherapy scents that help improve your sexual behaviour.

Garlic: Eating green chilies with garlic is an old (tried and tested) way of enjoying sex for a longer period. Peel off its top layers, crush cloves and then fry in butter, and your partner is ready to be a nutter!

Ginger: Garlic's 'g' brother helps you tingle the 'G' spot with ease. It increases sex drive and stimulates sexual performance.

So before you start your performance, hit to the kitchen. Get lusty and spicy!

What Should You Do If She Has A Boyfriend

Do you like a girl but find yourself wondering what to do if she has a boyfriend? Find out how to steal a girlfriend from the pro.

How to steal a girlfriend

Now I really do hope you read the introduction before getting here, because the H.U.Guy doesn’t like repeating. And if she has a boyfriend and you still want her, you really need to be thorough.

After all, if she has a boyfriend, you really do need to steal a girl from her guy and you can’t do that without all the details.

So in this part, I’m going to tell you the five not-so-obvious moves and the five sneaky dirty things you can do to steal a girlfriend from right under her guy’s nose.

Undercover moves – Five not-so-obvious signs

Here, we play safe and keep it simple. We don’t really want to scare her away just because she has a boyfriend. Make her like you first, lover boy.
Get to know everything she can tell

This is important if she has a boyfriend. Once you’re friends with her, you need to become something more than that.
So talk about her favorite dates, her kind of movies, the little annoying stuff she’s done, and everything else.

Just to warm her up, you start off by narrating the time you ripped your pants off while trying to jump into a girl’s house. Just as long as you open up, she will too, and you know what, she’s going to love talking to you!

Are you better than him?

The test of manliness. Talk about her guy. Pop the question. Ask her what kind of a guy he is. If you’re getting into her good books, she will keep it simple. Then ask her what she thinks of you.

Compare both the scores out aloud. Laugh and talk about what you can do to tilt the balance in your favor. And then get back to talking about how they met, and more blah, blah and blah about her guy.

Make her love you!

She’s in love with her man, but that could change. Impress her, be a man around her. Give her the space when she meets her pals or is on the phone when both of you are together, so she can be comfortable when you’re around.

Remember her special days, her deadlines, and anything else, even if it is really trivial. Show her that even her little things are really important to you. And wait for the good times.

Be her other guy

Now get this straight, you be her other guy, not her back-up guy. If you find that she’s just using you as her Man Friday when he’s not around, walk out.
She should respect you and want you. Don’t go trailing her at every opportunity you get. If you really want to steal a girlfriend, you need to keep it slow, and talk to her once in a while, at least once a day if you work at the same place, or alternate days or less if it’s on phone. Let her miss you when you aren’t around. Drive her to work if you can, give her the attention, and basically, treat her like a princess when you’re together.

Give her what her guy can’t give

Pamper her. You may not be around her all the time, and her guy may be. But that doesn’t matter. Because your one hour around her can do more damage to him than all day.

Talk and be genuinely interested in her. If you get a call when she’s with you, see if you can cancel and call back, and let her see that. She should know how special the times both of you share is to you. And more than anything else, maintain intense eye contact with her when both of you talk. Make her feel like she’s the only thing in the world you care about when you’re with her.

The Five Sneaky Lil’ Signs – Getting down and dirty

Dig all info

She has a boyfriend already. And there may be a few things she knows but she won’t tell. And any info about her is good info. That’s where her pals come into the picture. If you know them in the first place, then go on and ask a few things about her. But very discreetly, of course.

You don’t want them to know you’re hitting on her. And admit it, if you do like her, you’re definitely going to want to talk about her.
The annoying mo-fo, her boyfriend

Find out more about her guy from any source you can get. There may always be a few skeletons that could be dug out here. So he doesn’t believe in holding doors open for a woman? The next time you talk to her, tell her the story about a man who doesn’t open doors for women, and how annoying that is.

See, that’s like letting her know her guy isn’t all that great, without actually talking about him. On the other hand, talk about how much you live by the code of chivalry. Discreetly, of course!

“Bump” into her

So you know things about her. Good. Does she hang out on weekends at a particular place? Did her friends tell you that? Excellent. As long as she hasn’t told you that, and you’ve figured it out yourself, go for the kill.

Accidentally bump into her at the same place, and pretend like your “surprise” meeting is a damn sign from heaven that you guys have to be together. Ask her out to coffee or lunch. You know, these occasional bumping scenarios could actually take you somewhere.
 

Who’s that guy?

Remember, for you, her boyfriend is of no value. So treat him like one. Unless you know him on first-name basis, refer to him as ‘your boyfriend’ when you talk to her. She may talk about how much she loves him, and blah, but it doesn’t matter. And at times, when she goes on and on about him, yawn pointedly and make sure she knows it’s a fake yawn. But do make sure you laugh after you do that, you’d want to make it seem like a joke instead of a rude gesture.

Same workspace

Sometimes, we end up liking a girl in the same workspace. And to make things worse, her boyfriend could work there too. So when you’re talking to her once in a while, there’s a fair chance that he’d end up joining the conversation too. Don’t lose your enthusiasm here, but stay away from flirty comments.

But the second he walks away, thank your lucky starts loudly and get back to your flirty talk.

A line that goes like, “Thank you God, at last, I can get a few minutes with this beautiful girl without her boyfriend around!” not only gets the point across, but also sounds humorous

Women and sex have nothing to do with love

Women have sex for the same reasons men do. Because they can. And then some. Here's a sneaky cure for the 'headache' epidemic.

Basic instincts are anything but basic. If the book Why Women Have Sex by clinical psychologist Cindy Meston and evolutionary psychologist David Buss is to be believed, women and sex have almost nothing to do with love. They have, however, found 237 other reasons. If you thought women were complicated earlier, good luck stroking this one.

After over a thousand interviews, Meston and Buss have managed to fashion a nuanced portrait of female sexuality. Sexual motivations for women are wide ranging - using sex as a defensive tactic against a mate's infidelity (protection); a ploy to boost self-confidence (status); a barter for gifts or household chores (resource acquisition); a cure for a migraine (medication). Somewhere, love finds a mention.

So the question is what makes women tick? Why are Clooney and Saif (for us) and Dilip Kumar (for our mothers) still our mental go-to guys?

Like it or not, it has little to do with your tailored suit and suave haircut and more to do with your genetic disposition and complimentary MHC (Major histo-compatibility) gene complex. In man-speak, that means, she wants you because you're loaded with what biologists call "genetic benefits" and "resource benefits." Genetically speaking, you're the bees knees and any kids produced out of this union will be prime quality. As for resource benefits, let's just say, she married you for the house, the car, the club membership and your ability to protect the aforementioned healthy offspring.

This also explains why certain balding, potbellied men find takers sooner than their well-bodied, charming counterparts. Women are known to give brownie points to loyalty and his ability to provide for the family and not just his ability to spread quality spawn.

According to studies conducted by International Institute for Applied Systems Analysis in Austria, how women select their mate finds merit in the Darwinian theory of survival of the fittest. It can be annoying, but the study states that picky women are actually the key to survival and biodiversity. For example, if all women universally liked tall men, short men would be headed for extinction, or men with small feet would find no place in the world.

As for women in 'love', it can be translated into - security, I won't find anyone like him, good father material, apt provider, self confidence. Carnal sexual motivation however, has more options - Revenge, envy, jealousy, money, barter, guilt, punishment, duty, loyalty, a lesson on loyalty, power and domination, to sometimes, pure evil. In effect, they use sex to express love, and to get it, and to try and keep it.

What good sex means to women in Mumbai
Shobha De, in one of her observations about sex years ago, had said that earlier women just hitched up their sarees, closed their eyes and thought about Dilip Kumar. Has the scenario changed in urban India as increasingly more women find themselves freed from the shackles of guilt as far as getting some good, therapeutic action goes?

We spoke to women between the ages of 20-40 and found that while love was a high priority for women, there were several other interesting reasons that prompted them to sleep with men who may not be their knight-in-shining armour. Here are some of the factors that motivate Mumbai's feisty ladies for that spontaneous quickie or a roll in the hay...

Late bloomers
A 26-year-old young entrepreneur giggled as she confessed that it was the best birthday gift she had given... herself. "I was 23 and probably the oldest virgin in the world. At least, that's what it felt like then," she says. "I really wanted to know what I was missing out on." Young women feel the peer pressure if they are the last to be clutching on to their hymens in their group, even if unwillingly. Virginity is finally losing its spot on the pedestal as the greatest gift you can give to someone you love.

Dog training
A large number of the women surveyed also described sex as a tool for 'dog training'. Train the pen*s, and the man will follow, seemed to be the general philosophy.

A 30-year-old banker said she withheld sex in her marriage when she was displeased, and used it when she was in a pliant mood. "It helps to have owned dogs all your life," she jokes.

Women who want to keep the power in the relationship learn to excel at this very quickly.

Security
A 27-year-old entrepreneur said that her first marriage wasn't promising in terms of sex, but her husband had the right credentials. But in her second marriage, she is crazy about her man even if she earns more than him and he won't fit the bracket of the 'provider'. Other women felt that sex wasn't as important in the larger scheme of things. A good home and status was enough to keep a good marriage going.

Because it's there
When we asked a 27-year-old stylist about her motivations for sex, she asked if it was a rhetorical question. She had a couple of encounters, because, well, they presented themselves. Obviously. "It's like, why the f... not?" she shrugs. What a revolutionary idea. Have sex simply because it's available. It is gaining popularity as a recreational tool, especially when women are between relationships or just plain bored.

The mood lifter
Women in high-stress jobs or those feeling low sang praises for the therapeutic properties of sex. "It destresses me," said a 32-year-old advertising professional. Another attractive furniture designer said there was nothing like sex to lift up her mood when she was bummed out.

Sex releases the feel-good hormones and what better way to unwind? And you sleep soundly!

To get it over with
A 31-year-old HR professional says, "Sometimes you just want to get it over with and move on to the list of chores that you need to finish." Women sometimes find it easier to tick it off the to-do list than launch into elaborate measures that involve feigning headaches, or making excuses and then feeling guilty when the partner sulks wearing a permanent hurt puppy look.

The United Colors of Benetton experience
Sometimes sex has been a great tool for cultural assimilation, women have found. A young media professional who did a stint in an American university discovered just that. Another banker, a frequent traveler, said that she was always curious. "I'd heard that once you go black, you can't go back. So I wanted to see if that was true," she admits. Curiosity can be a prime motivator for women to experiment sexually. And on holiday, the normal rules don't always apply and the anonymity bolsters confidence for women.

Infidelity
A young IT professional said that she had cheated briefly in her marriage only once. "But that's only because things were not good in our relationship," she says. Another hairdresser said that she felt betrayed when she found out that her husband had cheated on her. She slept with a close friend and felt vindicated. For the moment.

Fear of losing a man
A PR professional candidly said that once she had sex for fear of losing her boyfriend in the initial stages of her relationship. She thought that he might lose interest and move on to someone who "was going to give him some." The smart men can be cunning and play on a woman's insecurities. Younger or naive women tend to fall for this guilt-trap.

Women have needs too
More and more women are cognisant of their needs and refuse to feel guilty about wanting good sex. A whopping 50 per cent of the women said that "they just wanted some" and cited "hormonal reasons". "Hormones have feelings too," said one media professional with a straight face. Two women said they had a friend with benefits. It was convenient and a better than ending up in an arid, sex desert landscape.

Rejection and self-esteem
A media professional found herself in relationships with two 'losers' back to back. When she started dating a nice guy, she had planned to 'hold back and make it special'. "The idea seemed overrated very soon," she says. "I needed to break the jinx!'

A good session that ends on a high note seems to work like a balm for bruised self-esteem. Another young marketing professional, said that when she realised she had dated a loser, she felt such self-loathing that the only cure was to be found in the arms of a man she was wildly attracted to, even if she was not in a relationship with him.

Sex with a new partner also balances off rejection. Women who've been dumped or ended relationships for practical rather than emotional reasons, may find solace without the emotional investment they may not be ready for. As the marketing professional confessed, it makes you feel 'like you're still wanted'