You HAVE to take time out for sex

Between busy work schedules, chores, family responsibilities and an endless to-do list, finding time for sex can be difficult. But sex is one thing that helps maintain a close level of intimacy with your partner and ensures that the relationship stays strong.

Here are some ways you and your spouse can make time for love:

Be romantic

Bring back that loving feeling by focusing on romance. Go out to a new restaurant, do something nice for each other and make sure your time together is just about the two of you. Devote one night to your spouse and the next to the other. Talk during the day about your plans for that evening, have a conversation about what you would like from your lover, add a romantic meal, start early in the night before you are tired and disallow TV or computer in the bedroom.

Schedule it

One of the best ways to ensure you make time for sex is to schedule it. Set specific time aside for intimacy and let nothing remove it from the schedule. It might not seem that interesting and romantic, but it works. Unfortunately there are times when you can't be spontaneous so you have to put important things like this on a schedule.

Communicate your likes and dislikes

Like creating anticipation, talking about sex can also boost interest in spending more time in the bedroom. "Have a talk with your partner about what you would like in the bedroom. Sure it can be awkward, but sometimes you have to get over these hurdles to get things on track. Take turns discussing what you would like to see happen and what you want to try. The more honest you are, the easier it will be to start putting your sex life first.

Create anticipation

There's no better way to get sex back onto your radar than to create some excitement around it. Devote separate nights to focusing on a different partner's needs and then talk to each other during the day about your plans for the other. But be careful. The rule is - it should be romantic. The more you look forward to sex, the more likely you are to want to make intimacy a priority.

Just do it!

It might sound bold, but why not initiate things yourself to get the ball rolling? Do not wait for your partner to start things. It can lead to night after night of nothing. If your partner rejects your advances, discuss it with your partner. Also, if there is a lack of desire in either of you, visit a relationship expert for counselling.

Sex-guide according to your age

Our sexual behaviour varies at different times in our lives. Sex guru Tracey Cox in her bestselling book, 'Sextasy' reveals the sexual urges and traits of lovers according to their age...

20-something

Most guys just can't stop dreaming about sex every couple of hours. At this age, girls are usually rebellious in their sexual imaginations. They share same-sex fantasies or want to try out bi-sexuality. A 2006 study of nearly 2000 people discovered that 76 per cent of women who slept with women reached climax (for women with men, the figure stands at 50 per cent).

The 20s are the time when young boys and girls are most experimental in their sexual positions. One in 10 people claims Tracey Cox have had a threesome in their early twenties.

Also, people in this age group have most likely visited a strip joint or a lapdancing club - with their friends or their better half.

30 something

The 30s are a time to experiment, almost all 30-somethings claim to have had sex outdoors. Unlike the teens when making out was the most common form of sexual experimentation, most 30 somethings prefer having sex somewhere semi-public like the beach, in the garden or on a park bench in the darkness. There's something wildly ero*ic about these sexapades! Also, high on the 30 something popularity chart are having sex in the shower or in the bath tub.

Kinky pleasures also rate high as most 30 plus couples claim to be giving in to their fantasies of bondage, blindfolds and spanking on a weekend of debauchery.

This is also the time when women are most likely to befriend gay male pals. Straight women love gay men; gay men love straight women. Swedish research is confirming just why the two groups get along so famously - they both have symmetrical brains. Straight men and lesbians have asymmetrical brain hemispheres.

The 30s also mark the arrival of children in a married couple's life, so the sex drive naturally dwindles. But, Cox points out that during pregnancy, couples have sex four to five times a month. Most put the brakes on their sex lives for about seven weeks after delivery, but four months later are back to four or five times of sex a month. Cox says six months after delivery, the average couple goes back to having sex three to five times a month. But incase you don't fit the bill, remember getting disheartened ain't gonna help. Remember it's just a temporary period, so continue touching and cuddling and if your baby robs you of chances to have sex, indulge in quickies.

Most women says Cox in her book experience higher climax rates. Ninety per cent of women past 30 regularly experience or*asm, compared to just 23 per cent of younger women.

40 something

Men in their 40s are more likely to experience erection problems. Also, this is the age when maximum number of men tend to be unfaithful. Also, men are more compelled in their 40s to watch more adult movies or indulge in sex chats. Women on the other hand get sexually very demanding, often being attracted to younger men.

If you thought the 40s were about low libido, think again, while 40-somethings maybe having less sex than ever, the thrust has shifted from how many times in a week to an emphasis on better quality. You are more sure of your sexual needs in this age group and thus more likely to insist on passion play as opposed to a mere making out session.

5 Nonsexual Things that Turn Women On

Not going to lie. I haven’t been feeling it lately. More down-to-sleep (DTS) than down-to-sleep-with-you (DTF). It happens. While you just need to see your girlfriend’s lips or cleavage or inner thigh to get turned on*, a woman’s needs to see her boyfriend’s other qualities. Other than his unit, I mean.

Here’s the truth: Your unit isn’t attractive. At all. Nor does it draw us to you in any way. If it did, you could just toss on the table during appetizers on the first date, and we’d go home with you.**

So what are some of those other qualities that turn a woman on? I can’t speak for all women, but here are five that do it for me—and, according to my friends, for them too.

Your Handwriting
Handwritten notes are so rare these days, which only makes them more of a turn on. Doesn’t matter if you’re using a pen, pencil, or crayon—we love it! Not only is it awesome to see effort beyond the four-word text, but a handwritten note is literally something we’ll treasure. Also, I think it is very sexy to see words such as beautiful in your chicken scratch. Something about sensitive words in rough manly handwriting makes me swoon.

Your Clean Smell
Emphasis on clean. I’m not into the sweaty man scent, but I’m all about the right-out-of-the-shower smell. Yum. A little Irish Spring and I’m yours. Just don’t go overboard. With most soaps and body washes—from Axe to Gillette—a little goes a long way. Don’t show up at my door smelling like you have pine cone hanging around your neck.

You Saying My Name
Get your mind out of gutter! I mean when you say my name out of the blue***. When you’re with someone all the time, you rarely call them by name—or you use a nickname. There’s something very sexy about hearing you say my name. Just throw it in there once in awhile to show you still remember it—and still respect me as an individual.

You Focusing on a Project
I love to see a guy working on a project—from building the fence in my backyard to cleaning the oven or planning a trip. Whatever it is, seeing raw dedication, focus, and ownership never gets old.

Your Blushing
So okay, I am way funnier than most of you, I realize that****. I love when I can zing ya with a great comeback and you know it was hilarious. But you don’t want to back down, so you blush with a tad bit of embarrassment. Or if I say something totally unexpected, and it makes you happy, you have a certain smirk. It is fantastic to see that vulnerability every once in awhile.

93 pc men 'want partner to reach Climax'

The contemporary male is happy, style conscious and generous in the sack, a recent survey has found.

The survey of more than 50,000 men aged between 18 and 34 conducted by a men’s lifestyle website, asked respondents to answer more than 100 questions aimed at finding out their attitudes towards relationships, politics, lifestyle, business, fashion and sex.

Almost half said they would never cheat on a partner, 81 percent said they had never paid for sex and 69 percent reckon they would never use adult movies when getting intimate with someone else.

Traditional values are considered important with 70 percent of respondents saying they believe in marriage and 36 percent believe having a family is the ‘ultimate male status symbol’.

Aussie blokes are also sensitive to their lovers’ needs with - 93 percent care whether their partner reaches a climax and 70 percent said they would take a male birth control pill if one was on the market.

"Each year the Great Male Survey provides us with fascinating insights into the typical males, which helps to reveal and make sense of what drives, inspires, interests and concerns them,” a major newspaper quoted the website's editor as saying.

“It’s exciting to see that the males of 2012 is really quite a great guy that embraces our changing world and bustling social climate, while still holding on to traditional values,” he added.

Why women are seen as sexual objects

Our brains process images of men and females differently and see men as people and women as body parts, according to a new study.

When casting our eyes upon an object, our brains either perceive it in its entirety or as a collection of its parts.

The new study suggested that these two distinct cognitive processes also are in play with our basic physical perceptions of men and women - and, importantly, provides clues as to why women are often the targets of sexual objectification.

The research found in a series of experiments that participants processed images of men and women in very different ways. When presented with images of men, perceivers tended to rely more on "global" cognitive processing, the mental method in which a person is perceived as a whole. Meanwhile, images of women were more often the subject of "local" cognitive processing, or the objectifying perception of something as an assemblage of its various parts.

The study is the first to link such cognitive processes to objectification theory, said Sarah Gervais, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and the study's lead author.

"Local processing underlies the way we think about objects: houses, cars and so on. But global processing should prevent us from that when it comes to people," Gervais said.

"We don't break people down to their parts - except when it comes to women, which is really striking. Women were perceived in the same ways that objects are viewed," she explained.

In the study, participants were randomly presented with dozens of images of fully clothed, average-looking men and women. Each person was shown from head to knee, standing, with eyes focused on the camera.

After a brief pause, participants then saw two new images on their screen: One was unmodified and contained the original image, while the other was a slightly modified version of the original image that comprised a sexual body part. Participants then quickly indicated which of the two images they had previously seen.

The results were consistent: Women's sexual body parts were more easily recognized when presented in isolation than when they were presented in the context of their entire bodies. But men's sexual body parts were recognized better when presented in the context of their entire bodies than they were in isolation.

"We can't just pin this on the men. Women are perceiving women this way, too," Gervais said.

"It could be related to different motives. Men might be doing it because they're interested in potential mates, while women may do it as more of a comparison with themselves. But what we do know is that they're both doing it," she noted.

Would there be an antidote to a perceiver's basic cognitive processes that lead women to be reduced and objectified? Researchers said some of the study's results suggested so. When the experiment was adjusted to create a condition where it was easier for participants to employ "global" processing, the sexual body part recognition bias appeared to be alleviated. Women were more easily recognizable in the context of their whole bodies instead of their various sexual body parts.

Because the research presents the first direct evidence of the basic "global" vs. "local" framework, the authors said it could provide a theoretical path forward for more specific objectification work.

"Our findings suggest people fundamentally process women and men differently, but we are also showing that a very simple manipulation counteracts this effect, and perceivers can be prompted to see women globally, just as they do men," Gervais said.

Reclaim your sex life in 9 easy steps!

Experts list a few surefire tips to help restore those lost charms in the bedroom. Read on...

1. Just go ahead with it: "It might sound silly, but just have more sex. Your mind has become habituated to not having sex, so it's hard to break out of it. You have to reconnect."

2. Connect with each other: "You can't just turn sex on when it's time to go to bed You need to build that sense of connection."

3. Stay positive: "Studies show that for couples to boost their sex life, they have to be positive. It's easy to go home and talk about mortgages and bills, but if it leads to a negative cycle of communication, figure out a positive form of communication."

4. Prioritise your relationship: "Couples are spending more time on Facebook and blogs. The next thing you know it's 11:30 p.m. and it's too late for sex. There's no urgent need to check your BlackBerry -- your relationship has to be a priority."

5. Adopt and maintain a healthy lifestyle: "It's easy to binge at the end of December with the holiday eating and drinking. Get healthy and remain healthy. It will increase your sex desire, and exercise will boost your self-esteem, which is crucial to enjoying sex."

6. Reveal your Imaginations: "In sex, you often do the same things, rely on the same moves. Share a dream. Or, if you feel your partner is lacking in attentiveness, instead of criticizing, express it in a sexy way."

7. Lend a helping hand: "A lot of women aren't interested in sex because they have other things on their minds like chores, dirty dishes, and men can't always appreciate that aspect. If men help and create an environment where women want to have sex, that's really important."

8. Be honest: "One of the benefits of being in a relationship is that sex isn't perfect -- guys are subject to their issues, women are subject to theirs. If in '11 you were saying something didn't matter, [maybe] it does in '12. Sex changes from year to year and '12 is a new year."

9. Create the right environment, "the love nest": "Put a little more energy into your surroundings. Create a surrounding that appeals to your senses."

Women and sex have nothing to do with love

Women have sex for the same reasons men do. Because they can. And then some. Here's a sneaky cure for the 'headache' epidemic.

Basic instincts are anything but basic. If the book Why Women Have Sex by clinical psychologist Cindy Meston and evolutionary psychologist David Buss is to be believed, women and sex have almost nothing to do with love. They have, however, found 237 other reasons. If you thought women were complicated earlier, good luck stroking this one.

After over a thousand interviews, Meston and Buss have managed to fashion a nuanced portrait of female sexuality. Sexual motivations for women are wide ranging — using sex as a defensive tactic against a mate's infidelity (protection); a ploy to boost self-confidence (status); a barter for gifts or household chores (resource acquisition); a cure for a migraine (medication). Somewhere, love finds a mention.

So the question is what makes women tick? Why are Clooney and Saif (for us) and Dilip Kumar (for our mothers) still our mental go-to guys?

Like it or not, it has little to do with your tailored suit and suave haircut and more to do with your genetic disposition and complimentary MHC (Major histo-compatibility) gene complex. In man-speak, that means, she wants you because you're loaded with what biologists call "genetic benefits" and "resource benefits." Genetically speaking, you're the bees knees and any kids produced out of this union will be prime quality. As for resource benefits, let's just say, she married you for the house, the car, the club membership and your ability to protect the aforementioned healthy offspring.

This also explains why certain balding, potbellied men find takers sooner than their well-bodied, charming counterparts. Women are known to give brownie points to loyalty and his ability to provide for the family and not just his ability to spread quality spawn.

According to studies conducted by International Institute for Applied Systems Analysis in Austria, how women select their mate finds merit in the Darwinian theory of survival of the fittest. It can be annoying, but the study states that picky women are actually the key to survival and biodiversity. For example, if all women universally liked tall men, short men would be headed for extinction, or men with small feet would find no place in the world.

As for women in 'love', it can be translated into — security, I won't find anyone like him, good father material, apt provider, self confidence. Carnal sexual motivation however, has more options — Revenge, envy, jealousy, money, barter, guilt, punishment, duty, loyalty, a lesson on loyalty, power and domination, to sometimes, pure evil. In effect, they use sex to express love, and to get it, and to try and keep it.

What good sex means to women in Mumbai
Shobha De, in one of her observations about sex years ago, had said that earlier women just hitched up their sarees, closed their eyes and thought about Dilip Kumar. Has the scenario changed in urban India as increasingly more women find themselves freed from the shackles of guilt as far as getting some good, therapeutic action goes?

We spoke to women between the ages of 20-40 and found that while love was a high priority for women, there were several other interesting reasons that prompted them to sleep with men who may not be their knight-in-shining armour. Here are some of the factors that motivate Mumbai's feisty ladies for that spontaneous quickie or a roll in the hay...

Late bloomers
A 26-year-old young entrepreneur giggled as she confessed that it was the best birthday gift she had given... herself. "I was 23 and probably the oldest virgin in the world. At least, that's what it felt like then," she says. "I really wanted to know what I was missing out on." Young women feel the peer pressure if they are the last to be clutching on to their hymens in their group, even if unwillingly. Virginity is finally losing its spot on the pedestal as the greatest gift you can give to someone you love.

Dog training
A large number of the women surveyed also described sex as a tool for 'dog training'. Train the pen*s, and the man will follow, seemed to be the general philosophy.

A 30-year-old banker said she withheld sex in her marriage when she was displeased, and used it when she was in a pliant mood. "It helps to have owned dogs all your life," she jokes.

Women who want to keep the power in the relationship learn to excel at this very quickly.

Security
A 27-year-old entrepreneur said that her first marriage wasn't promising in terms of sex, but her husband had the right credentials. But in her second marriage, she is crazy about her man even if she earns more than him and he won't fit the bracket of the 'provider'. Other women felt that sex wasn't as important in the larger scheme of things. A good home and status was enough to keep a good marriage going.

Because it's there
When we asked a 27-year-old stylist about her motivations for sex, she asked if it was a rhetorical question. She had a couple of encounters, because, well, they presented themselves. Obviously. "It's like, why the f... not?" she shrugs. What a revolutionary idea. Have sex simply because it's available. It is gaining popularity as a recreational tool, especially when women are between relationships or just plain bored.

The mood lifter
Women in high-stress jobs or those feeling low sang praises for the therapeutic properties of sex. "It destresses me," said a 32-year-old advertising professional. Another attractive furniture designer said there was nothing like sex to lift up her mood when she was bummed out.

Sex releases the feel-good hormones and what better way to unwind? And you sleep soundly!

To get it over with
A 31-year-old HR professional says, "Sometimes you just want to get it over with and move on to the list of chores that you need to finish." Women sometimes find it easier to tick it off the to-do list than launch into elaborate measures that involve feigning headaches, or making excuses and then feeling guilty when the partner sulks wearing a permanent hurt puppy look.

The United Colors of Benetton experience
Sometimes sex has been a great tool for cultural assimilation, women have found. A young media professional who did a stint in an American university discovered just that. Another banker, a frequent traveler, said that she was always curious. "I'd heard that once you go black, you can't go back. So I wanted to see if that was true," she admits. Curiosity can be a prime motivator for women to experiment sexually. And on holiday, the normal rules don't always apply and the anonymity bolsters confidence for women.

Infidelity
A young IT professional said that she had cheated briefly in her marriage only once. "But that's only because things were not good in our relationship," she says. Another hairdresser said that she felt betrayed when she found out that her husband had cheated on her. She slept with a close friend and felt vindicated. For the moment.

Fear of losing a man
A PR professional candidly said that once she had sex for fear of losing her boyfriend in the initial stages of her relationship. She thought that he might lose interest and move on to someone who "was going to give him some." The smart men can be cunning and play on a woman's insecurities. Younger or naive women tend to fall for this guilt-trap.

Women have needs too
More and more women are cognisant of their needs and refuse to feel guilty about wanting good sex. A whopping 50 per cent of the women said that "they just wanted some" and cited "hormonal reasons". "Hormones have feelings too," said one media professional with a straight face. Two women said they had a friend with benefits. It was convenient and a better than ending up in an arid, sex desert landscape.

Rejection and self-esteem
A media professional found herself in relationships with two 'losers' back to back. When she started dating a nice guy, she had planned to 'hold back and make it special'. "The idea seemed overrated very soon," she says. "I needed to break the jinx!'

A good session that ends on a high note seems to work like a balm for bruised self-esteem. Another young marketing professional, said that when she realised she had dated a loser, she felt such self-loathing that the only cure was to be found in the arms of a man she was wildly attracted to, even if she was not in a relationship with him.

Sex with a new partner also balances off rejection. Women who've been dumped or ended relationships for practical rather than emotional reasons, may find solace without the emotional investment they may not be ready for. As the marketing professional confessed, it makes you feel 'like you're still wanted'.

Bathe together for great sex life

Wanting to make your sex life rocking? Well, then how about taking a shower together? Yes, you read it right.

Gone are the days when men were shown in movies asking for the towel or bar soaps and then trying to pull their ladies inside the bathroom, all efforts in vain though. Couples seems to have come out of the closet now and entered the bathroom, for a good shower. Couples tell us how taking a shower together can actually help you not only have a good sex but also build intimacy between each other.

"We actually have days fixed for a bubble bath together," excitedly adds Aruna. She further adds, "It is not like every time we bath together we ought to have sex but yes sometimes we do end up having it. But yes, both of us feel that it is the best way to de-stress ourselves. Also, we have this thing that we think of something new to do during that session. It is no doubt a lovely experience."

But trying such a thing for the first time really needs a lot of thinking. "When my boyfriend first proposed to me this idea, I was taken aback. But then we made a deal of just having fun within limits. I was also a bit shy since I was quite conscious of my body stats. But I think this has helped me a lot to bond with my boyfriend. We have opened up quite a lot after the first time we took a shower together. It is fun but only if you trust someone," says Tanushree.

Mehul, a working professional recently got his bathroom renovated with different equipment to add to the excitement. "I now have a mobile shower and got it converted into a steam bathroom as my fiancee sometimes likes me to have sex with her in the bathroom. Although it was her idea, I have started liking it now. We also give each other a sponge bath sometimes which is quite a turn on for her," he shares.